Understand.
Feel your disappointment, confusion, and anger. But don’t stop there. Staying in a mindset of resistance and judgment will maintain division among us. Certainly there are components in other people’s choices that could intensify our frustrations and divide us further. However, to move towards unity we need to first process our feelings and then find components and motivations that will help us understand others, align our values, and rebuild our common humanity.
Why put in the effort.
Because our thoughts and actions matter. Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke about Loving Your Enemies, on November 17, 1957, stating “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
An inspiring example of how the efforts of one person can make a difference happened in my hometown of Portland, Oregon. On May 17, 2019 Keanon Lowe, the football coach at Parkrose High School, disarmed a student carrying a gun with compassionate thoughts and a hug. Our efforts matter.
Shift your mindset to prepare yourself to return to loving actions.
When you are willing, and ready, move towards love. On November 7, 2024, Kamala Harris said, “live our lives by treating one another with kindness and respect, by looking in the face of a stranger and seeing a neighbor, by always using our strength to lift people up, to fight for the dignity that all people deserve.”
This may feel like no easy task right now when there is disappointment and frustration. As a therapist, I turn towards various techniques to help me “walk in other people’s shoes.” (1) I keep in mind that if I lived the life you had lived I would feel the same way as you. This can be a big stretch if you really don’t understand a person’s life, so begin by getting curious about others. Ask and listen. Find out their history, hurts, and values. (2) Use the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) concept of values based action to understand motivating factors. This entails identifying what value drove your choice and what value drove another’s choice. For example: If a person’s values related to which food to buy is driven by how it impacts the earth and their body, they would likely buy organic fruit. If a person’s values connected to food purchases are based on price alone, they would buy the least expensive option. Most of us can understand and relate to a time when finances had to be the driving force in our decisions, which required us to deprioritize other values. (3) I’ve read that recent political choices were motivated by wanting a “better” life. Some people are remembering their life as “better” 6 years ago. We don’t all have the same idea of what “better” looks like, yet can’t we all relate to a longing for a “better” life. By identifying a longing, need, or desire that “makes sense” to us, we can find unity with others through our shared humanity.
Navigating Today 