*chaotic hot mess in life right now. I’m so sorry*
The worst feeling I’ve probably experienced is that of me attempting to stifle my cries in an empty bathroom at uni because I was just put in a mortifying experience with a personal situation that affects my life that I never wanted to go through after having to deal with it in high school, and then promptly having a mini panic attack. And after that fiasco, I had to pretend like everything was fine even though I wanted nothing more than to go home and never come to uni again.
Sometimes I wish I could stop hiding what’s up and tell people so I don’t have to give a flying FK about how people react to situations. But no that isn’t the case.
I wish I was mentally and emotionally strong enough to fight this battle. And God, don’t you hate when you’re being suffocated even though you’re the one screaming the loudest for air?
It isn’t fair. I never wanted any of this. And to think that uni has already made me so insecure about it. That isn’t the way I wanted to start a new chapter of my life.
I wanted to crawl into a hole and never see anyone ever again after my tutorial this morning. Over one little thing that completely messed up my day and has got me into this emotional, anxious state that I hate being in.
God, someone, anyone, give me the strength to stop always feeling like a trapped deer because of it.
I’m so over it.
Sorry about the angst. And the vagueness. God I hate this so much. I’m so sorry.