DAY SEVENTEEN

DAY SEVENTEEN

GRADUATION IS SO CLOSE HOLY CRAP 13 DAYS TO GO.

Photo on 31-08-2015 at 1.54 pm

WHEN YOUR PRE-PERIOD CRAMPS BRING YOU DOWN, THE ONLY THING TO DO IS WEAR BIG JUMPERS AND WATCH CUTE MOVIES AKA HAIRSPRAY. 

All these graduation plans have me excited af. All the parties, all the muck up days, all the pranks. I’m so keen.

XX Simran

DAY SIXTEEN

DAY SIXTEEN

14 DAYS OF NSG LEFT BECAUSE WE LIKE TO MESS THINGS UP. GRADUATION IS NEARLY UPON ME

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CAW CAW MOTHERF***ERS STRIKES AGAIN. 

These girls are the bomb diggity. We cool.

xx Simran

DAY FOURTEEN

DAY FOURTEEN

WHAT DO I FIND SOLACE IN?

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MASSIVE SHOUT OUT TO MODERN HISTORY RIGHT NOW. MODERN HISTORY, YOU ARE MY LOVE. MY PASSION (ONE OF THEM). YOU ARE THE REAL MVP IN MY EDUCATION. 

At least with Modern History, I’m learning in a comfortable, fun and happy environment. I have the liberty to talk to my friends, be myself around my teachers and actually enjoy the learning process surrounding the distinction between FDR and Hoover, for example. Modern was my saviour today.

I felt like ditching school after advanced English because, frankly, I hate the subject. I hate every bit of it. Literature has been ruined for me. I can’t watch a film without finding the bloody high angle camera shot. 1984 was ruined for me with shoddy teaching. Dead Poets Society was ruined for me. EVEN FREAKING REYNOLDS OH MY GOD. Texts that don’t have metaphors, won’t have metaphors because you want them to. For gods sake.

I can’t believe English, a subject I used to love and thoroughly look forward to, has become a subject I dread. Everything about it. The learning environment, what we learn. Everything. About 16 days til graduation and I cannot wait.

Today was a shit day. I hope you’re happy Advanced English. I’m now off to find the non existent metaphors in this book.

xx Simran

DAY THIRTEEN

DAY THIRTEEN

DEATH BY…

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DEATH BY BLOODY BINOMIAL THEOREM OH MY GOD. I CANNOT EVEN. THIS IS ME IN MY FREE PERIODS (THREE FREES TODAY), ALL OF WHICH WERE SPENT ANGUISHING OVER ALGEBRAIC EXPANSION TO DO RANDOM CRAP. I CANNOT EVEN. BINOMIAL THEOREM IS SO POINTLESS. GAH.

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I most definitely won’t miss this part of high school. So done.

xx Simran

DAY TWELVE

DAY TWELVE

I WAS GOING TO POST PICTURES OF MY MATES AND I CHILLING AT LUNCH TIME COS THAT’S WHAT 17/18 YEAR OLD GIRLS DO BUT I AM WEAK AND THUNDERSTORMS SCARE THE BLOODY SHIT OUT OF ME. NOT GOING TO LIE, I’M NOT SCARED OF MUCH BUT DAMN SYDNEY YOUR STORMS GOT ME ON EDGE.

Day twelve has been pretty chill I guess. The sun came out in the morning to cast this ominous grey/sunny air around school, before it started raining like crazy. So today is another nature shot? I like to think that my inability to find something to photograph reflects the mundane day I had at school. I was so out of it. Triple maths, english and economics. No free periods. Too much for me to handle. I was so done by second period.

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Nature is love. Nature is life. But nature makes my hay-fever lose its shit. So I’m in a love hate relationship. I love flowers but they hate me 😦 

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Considering a drastic haircut to get rid of half my curls. I don’t know. I like the length but I’m so sick of curly hair. It’s such a pain.

LET’S PRAY THAT DAY 13 IS BETTER.

xx Simran

DAY ELEVEN

DAY ELEVEN

EN ROUTE TO SCHOOL

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Those precious days where your school lets you come in mufti or non uniform. Today was probably the most gorgeous Winter’s day. 23 degrees C, sunny, light winds, clouds all over the sky. Perfection. I would have done a complete OOTD but I’m in too in love with my shoes to do that. And I’m not even sorry. Got these beauties from Melbourne. I can’t even. So beautiful. It’s been so long since I was able to wear a cute dress and not have to wear stockings and gloves and a scarf and layer all items of my uniform. 

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Dodgy coloured photography featuring the St Leonards station floor.

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I don’t blame you for thinking St Leonards (the station I get off at everyday to trek to school) looks like some deserted stretch fresh out of a horror movie. I blame my affinity for grey scale photography. 

SIDE NOTE, I JUST GOT LINKED TO THIS:

THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL COVER HOLY SHIT. I DON’T EVEN LIKE THE ORIGINAL SONG. I FOUND THE ORIGINAL SONG PRETTY USELESS, BUT KURT HAS THE ABILITY TO MAKE ME LOVE ANY SONG HOLY SHIT. I CAN’T EVEN. PERFECTION IN MY EARS. IT’S BEEN ON REPEAT FOR THE PAST HOUR OH MY GOD. JOSH’S VOICE ALSO. IT’S SO STRIPPED BACK AND LOVELY :’)

WOOW ok I have no chill. But to be completely honest, can Kurt give me piano lessons? His covers where piano features is one of the reasons why I want to play again. I miss the ability of letting a melody flow from my fingertips dancing over ivory keys. I really just want to learn my favourite songs and be able to play and sing again. It’s been such a long time since I played. The feeling of being able to play Bruno Mars’ Just the Way You Are, back in the Summer of 2010-11 was incredible. I miss it. I love piano. But the HSC doesn’t 😦

I’m so excited to graduate now. Freedom is nearly upon me. 18th season post HSC. The life.

xx Simran

DAY TEN

DAY TEN

PLACE OF SANCTUARY:

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blurry and off focus like my life. How deep.

The library, when quiet and not filled with annoying school kids (hypocrisy at its finest haha) is a great place to study and relax. I sometimes hate the library solely because you can’t eat or drink in the library, so that’s a real struggle. But otherwise, I’ve found myself to be quite productive in a library. I get heaps done which is fantastic. Libraries are probably the best facility any suburb can have. When I need a change of environment from the house, I always trek it to the library and pray no annoying and loud people will be there to disrupt the peace. Usually, it’s nice and quiet and perfect to pump out a history extension or economics essay.

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On a side note, I got linked to this by a friend, and I actually lost it. This would most definitely happen in real life. I have no doubts. And to be completely honest, watching how to get away with murder has made me want to watch the Thorn Birds. I don’t even know haha. I think my addiction is too strong. I wish myself luck in trying to hold off during the HSC because of season 2. I have a feeling I’m going to fail miserably haha. But seriously, Coliver, Asher, plot, Viola Davis. What isn’t there to like and appreciate? It’s the perfect show.

20 DAYS TIL GRADUATION. I AM SO EXCITED. EXCITEMENT IS PEAKING AT AN EXPONENTIAL RATE RIGHT NOW.

xx Simran

DAY NINE

DAY NINE

FAVOURITE PART OF THE DAY:

OH MY GOD I JUST GOT HOME FROM EXTENSION CLASSES AND I’M ABOUT TO PASS OUT FROM EXHAUSTION BECAUSE CARRYING 10 KILOS OF WORK AND PAPER AND TECHNOLOGY IN YOUR ARMS ISN’T FUN.

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Another coffee shot showing my love for the perfection that lies in a good cup of coffee. Made even better with great company.

xx Simran

DAY EIGHT

DAY EIGHT

ACTUALLY QUITE SICK AND FEELING LIKE SHIT BUT I’VE GOTTA KEEP UP WITH THE 30 DAY TREND.

Photo on 19-07-2015 at 4.43 pm #3

When you look like crap, photo booth filters has got you covered. 

So one thing I’m quite good at doing is working myself into this nervous panicked state over things. It’s a bad habit, and it’s been there since the beginning of year 12. I’m competitive, I strive for success, a chronic perfectionist and obviously give a shit about my education. To the point where getting marks back and being on the receiving end of 3 hours of psychologically traumatising Advanced English feedback (thanks English faculty. You really know how to be empathetic to your year 12 students), has transformed me into a wreck. I cried about getting a higher then average economics mark (which really highlights the lack of pragmatism I’m presenting right now). It’s a bad thing, having these negative thoughts make you feel sick to the bone. I’ve tried to stop it, but then my body was just like nope, not dealing with this shit. And gave me stomach cramps and nausea. Considering I’ve never been so worked up about school and marks until year 12 (I prided myself on never really being emotional over marks. I didn’t study and got a crap mark? My fault. I worked and did well? Good job Simi.),

I really need to put a lid on this, because it isn’t healthy. I don’t have major anxiety but working myself up because of expectations and comments and thinking I’m not good enough isn’t the way to go either. I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep over the past week and during a feedback session, I felt like I was going to be sick because it felt like everything the marker was telling our cohort, was directed at my inability to understand Yeats’ poetry as well as I’m expected to. Cheers. 

I think this is why I’m so excited to graduate. People always tell me that high school is the best time of your life. I don’t deny that. It’s so exciting. I’ve been so lucky to experience so many unique experiences, and have created the best memories. And me whining about shitty teachers or feedback or stress isn’t even comparable to workplace situations because I know it gets worse from here. But seeing a deterioration in how I view myself isn’t something I wanted to take away from high school. Having to push myself to create this wall and guard and shell to protect my mentality from words isn’t what I wanted to gain from high school.

Frankly speaking, I didn’t expect myself to turn into a cynical and insecure young woman. Insecurities have always been there, and I’ve always shot them down. But I hate having to work so hard to make sure society doesn’t see me as a weak person. Weakness isn’t what I was brought up with. I was brought up to be a strong, independent young woman who takes shit through one ear and it goes out the other. When you’re reduced to a state where undermining yourself becomes the norm, when it becomes a surprise that you can do well, that’s when you know something isn’t right. I hate that people have the power to make me feel small and worthless. I really hate that. This is why I’m so keen to graduate. The day I don’t have to see the miserable humans who have the ability to make me cry and question my validity is near. And it pains me to say this, but yes I want to leave high school. And I want to leave all the shit that’s ever been dumped on me. All the bullying, negativity, hatred, tears. All of it.

Of course there are positives as well. There are some aspects of high school that I’ll cherish forever. High school conditioned my debating and public speaking voice into this powerful, emphatic voice that I like having. High school blessed me with a group of girls who are supportive, loving and possibly the most diverse and incredible people I could ever meet. High school blessed me with the opportunity to find myself in terms of what I like, academics and socially. High school has taught me so many skills pertinent to later life – communication, mediation, effective team work. I’ve had some of the best experiences through high school and that’s something I’ll never forget.

Am I torn about graduation? Maybe. Do I want to leave NSG though? For the most part, yes. I want to graduate. And I want to end this chapter of my life. I’m excited for what lies ahead. I really am.

xx Simran