Sometimes I don’t know how I get lost in all these thoughts. There’s so much to do, so much to see, so much to read. Yet here I am, chilling on a chilly Wednesday morning, thinking about… stuff.
It’s almost comical to see how much I’ve transformed. I didn’t think I was capable of self doubt back in the day. But now, I think I’ve been more negative and self-judgemental, almost cynical, instead of trying to motivate myself and push out of this shit called the HSC.
It’s joyful when one day you feel so energised and happy. You feel like you can conquer the world with your words and equations, really make a mark for who you are. Showcase your intelligence. And then the very next day, you enter this mind slump. You can’t seem to get out of the lethargy of I’m not good enough. Not good enough for school, my teachers, my parents, the cute guy I may or may not like, for myself. I hate when this happens. Damn Simran get a hold of yourself.
It’s frustrating because I feel like I have so much to prove to everyone. And people find satisfaction in shutting me down. I don’t even know where this slump is coming from. I have the most supportive parents (the true angels in my life), a gorgeous older sister who really just knows what to do when I’m stuck or lost or unable to do something; the most amazing friends that I could ever wish for, a happy and safe life and an environment that motivates me to pursue the best person I can be.
I just don’t know. I also don’t like it.
Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking so much.