Faceless 

Melbourne? I’m in love. With all your faces. So in love. All the clowns, Kings, monsters and skulls. 

 
Flinders Lane 

 
Hosier Lane

   
Hosier Lane

 
Flinders Lane 

   
Hosier Lane

 
Hosier Lane

   
Hosier Lane

 
Hosier Lane

   

NATIONAL GALLERY OF VICTORIA

 
NATIONAL GALLERY OF VICTORIA

Day one of Melbourne. So in love. 

Xx Simran 

❄️☁️☁️❄️

  
In a casual love affair with Sydney’s winter sunrises. Besotted by beauty at 6 in the morning. 

Also side note, Jack Falahee and Conrad Ricamora? You guys are hella cute. And you aren’t doing justice to my feels when you post cute af selfies on set of htgawm. I’m not ok because instead of reading about Tacitus and romanisation, my heart is palpitating because of feels. And also you guys are halfway across the world. It isn’t like I can just fly over and meet either because I live in Australia and my parents would also judge me for suggesting this because they don’t get my feels. Also HSC and graduation 😦 

Stahp.

Two days til Melbourne. I’m so ready.

Xx Simran 

spontaneous

I’m doing a little bit of psychoanalysis at 5:30 am when I’m meant to be studying for Extension maths. Whatever. This is important. I’ve had a revelation since being up at 2 am doing frikking trigonometry and mathematical induction. Bull that isn’t going to get me success. Tan(x-y) never brought anyone real, long term success did it?

In realising that I graduate from high school in about 36 work/school days (wasn’t bothered to calculate the actual number), there are some things that I’ve learnt from my teachers, my mentors, my friends and through my own personal experiences dealing with both loss, hardships and obviously successes.

Yes you may be wondering about the “loss” and “hardship” 17 year old students go through because all teenagers are angsty drama queens. But we all have a face that the public sees, and then when we get home, we remove all that flawless makeup – the winged liner, the perfect pout, the rose gold creme eye shadow – to reveal a side that only the people we really trust know about.

That brings me to my first point. My experiences through primary and secondary education were quite exciting in the sense that it was always a highly competitive environment where marks and success had a heavy influence. I was placed in an opportunity class in year 5-6, meaning the standard of work we completed was more complicated then the average year 5 or 6 kid. It apparently helped us develop our brains from a critical angle, and sharpened our responses to difficult problems, both cognitive and real life situations. And then, I was fortunate to be accepted at the best ranking all girls selective school in Sydney. That was a matter of pride for me because it was the second major academic success under my belt. NSGHS has always been… exciting. In my 6 years, I’ve had the pleasure to experience roles in leadership, sports, debating, community and charity, academics and all round development. Being in a competitive environment has driven my work ethic, and looking back on how I shaped myself, it’s a nice feeling to see that the person I am today (or the person I like the world to see) has been developed through personal experience.

But the most important thing I learnt was that my success should never come at the sacrifice of health, relationships, happiness and the passion and drive to do things. In a critical time period like right now, we undermine ourselves and how bright we are. We get added stress from teachers and peers and parents who don’t realise that their words, describing our essays as “appalling” and “poorly done” really impact how we see ourselves. I know that personally, words affect me. I let negativity settle in my stomach and dwell on my imperfections from an academic front. The mark lost out on an essay. The feeling that I can’t prove that I’m worthy of my teachers. What’s come out of this, is the realisation that at the end of the day, regardless of what the outcome is, if I’ve put effort into something, no one has the right to denounce the validity of my efforts. We all have our vices that hold us back, but to society, I’m still succeeding. I’m still proving that I’m a capable and talented young woman who has the power to make change. And that’s all that matters.

This leads on to my second point. Happiness. I have experienced some tough things throughout high school. Personal issues, the death of a loved one, bullying. The usual really. But what I’ve learnt from that is that I am capable of bulldozing my vices, tearing them into shreds and scattering them into the wind. No one I don’t trust completely, no one I don’t break my walls down in front of, needs to see that sometimes I will ugly cry, sometimes I will doubt myself. Sometimes I will drown my thoughts in my vices: never good enough, never pretty enough, not good enough for him, not deserving. It’s a fact of life that things don’t work out, and I’ve learnt that my happiness is never going to be affected by it. Sure something didn’t come out the way I wanted it to, but happiness is the only thing I really believe in fighting for. If I get my happiness from being the best I can, then that’s what I’ll strive for. Because we’re all pieces in the world’s game. But we have the right to control our futures. No one else does.

And finally, when you’re with the people you love, and the people who love you, that’s all that matters. You’re invincible. I learnt this after taking my frustrations out on the pavement, by going for a stress run to release all this built up negativity in my brain; and then talking to my two closest friends. I’ve made a decision that I’m never going to let anyone’s actions affect me like they did on Friday because it isn’t fun. Also, I’m a strong independent young woman with a bite and some sass, who’s ready to prove to the world that she isn’t afraid of being hurt, because it only makes her more invincible. Screw boys when you’ve got your closest friends and a myriad of experiences waiting for you. I’ve decided that I’m going to apply for a job, I’m going to save up and get on a plane and travel somewhere exciting. No one can stop me. I’m going to find my passion for music through piano once my exams are over. Relearn the songs that I love so I can enjoy my love for music. I’m going to bloody slay the HSC, get into university and shine because that’s what we’re made for. Shining.

The art of being positive 101 with Simran. At ungodly hours of the morning.

xx Simran

reality

That feeling when maths requires you to write essays to prove why two angles in a circle are equal. I’m so done with circle geometry. Geometry in general. Where am I going to use tangent theorems? Please enlighten me.

IMG_2707

My handwriting has become so ugly because of the HSC. I used to pride myself on my penmanship. Now, I wish my markers luck trying to decipher the hideous scrawl attempting to convey my understanding of Metropolis or 1984 or Trotsky’s significance to national and international history.

Actually no I take that back. Teachers examine us in the cruelest of ways. My handwriting is connotative of the emotional pain and suffering. They can deal with it. 

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On another note, a friend who cares for my sanity throughout trials sent me this after I died attempting to fix up my trashy extension english creative. Whoever thought writing a creative about navigating the global was easy, is grossly mistaken. I can’t even decide on a good name for my protagonist, let alone write a creative worthy of the extension english calibre under timed conditions. Never ever decide to make names and their connotative meanings a motif in your story because you will have a bad time. I can’t determine whether the self absorbed ass who’s a smart engineer and has a good heart should be called Aryan or Gaurav. Damn this is hard.

Frands are the sweetest. He returned my mental sanity. 10 points to him.

Willing trials to hurry up so I can have fun in Melbourne. Step away from Sydney’s insanity and have a good time. Throw all my worries to the wind and then get back to bringing my A game for the HSC.

xx Simran

\

Casual

FREAKING the crap out about school and trials and assessments right now. Nothing new. The usual.

Current status: wrapped up in a blanket, stressing about the amount of exam prep I have to do for my trial HSC next week.

Current feeling: Want to curl up and never let go of my bed. Not ready to be judged by my teachers or screw up in extension maths again.

Being realistic? I’ve gotta (wo)man the crap up because I wasn’t raised to shy away from challenges. Damn gurl get a hold of yourself. You’ve got this.

IMG_2643

Trying to be positive. Let’s see how this plays out. Trials come at me. In the meanwhile, Trotsky is a fascinating read and my blanket is 15/10 for fabulousness, comfort and warmth.

xx Simran

Pensive

Sometimes I don’t know how I get lost in all these thoughts. There’s so much to do, so much to see, so much to read. Yet here I am, chilling on a chilly Wednesday morning, thinking about… stuff.

It’s almost comical to see how much I’ve transformed. I didn’t think I was capable of self doubt back in the day. But now, I think I’ve been more negative and self-judgemental, almost cynical, instead of trying to motivate myself and push out of this shit called the HSC.

It’s joyful when one day you feel so energised and happy. You feel like you can conquer the world with your words and equations, really make a mark for who you are. Showcase your intelligence. And then the very next day, you enter this mind slump. You can’t seem to get out of the lethargy of I’m not good enough. Not good enough for school, my teachers, my parents, the cute guy I may or may not like, for myself. I hate when this happens. Damn Simran get a hold of yourself.

It’s frustrating because I feel like I have so much to prove to everyone. And people find satisfaction in shutting me down. I don’t even know where this slump is coming from. I have the most supportive parents (the true angels in my life), a gorgeous older sister who really just knows what to do when I’m stuck or lost or unable to do something; the most amazing friends that I could ever wish for, a happy and safe life and an environment that motivates me to pursue the best person I can be.

I just don’t know. I also don’t like it.

Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking so much.

xx Simran